Some deep post-christmas-weekend thoughts while trying to declog my head by drinking tea out of an oversized Jeff Gordon beerstein:
-Both Greenpoint and the EVill were extraordinarily peaceful this weekend. It was nice to not have as many cars around. Now only if everyone would get those uber-dorky segways when they come back to town, it can always be like that. Of course, then we'd all be dorks.
-If you buy boxers at Target, double-check the size before you buy it. Because otherwise you might not buy a men's medium size, but rather you would discover later at home that you bought a package of boys' medium boxers. I did wonder why it said "(8)" next to the "M" on the size label while in the store. That might have been important.
mike sold out at - 13:06
12.27.2003
So I wasn't worried about this whole mad cow thing until I read this article in the Washington Post. See, I thought that they had banned the practice of grinding up cow bones and feeding them to back to cows, but apparently it wasn't enforced well...
An excerpt:
Chief among these criticisms is the Food and Drug Administration's enforcement of a 1997 ban against processing the remains of cows and other ruminants into feed that is, in turn, fed back to cows. This cannibalism is generally believed to the prime avenue for transmission of the disease.
Three years after the ban, the GAO in September 2000 found that 18 percent of the nation's rendering plants and feed mills were unaware that the ban existed. Twenty-eight percent of the firms that were making the prohibited feed failed to label it as unfit for ruminants, and 6 percent did not keep proper records of their customers' names and addresses.
mike sold out at - 00:13
12.26.2003
Sucks to the Economy
Went to Target in Queens today with Josh (after our planned post-Xmas burger), where there was a giant pile of poo on the floor in the bathroom. That was really quite excellent- made me want to buy lots of things.
At Christmas Eve dinner at my cousin's house, one of their friends' ten-year old started playing with a little makeup kit. About fifteen minutes later he came out into the living room all made up all glam-rock-esque and announced "Hey look everybody! I'm David Bowie!"
Give that fan a contract.
mike sold out at - 23:09
12.23.2003
Immortalized in History
...or something like that.
Listen to this clip from the Brian Lehrer Show. If you get bored, flip ahead to about 5m30s in the clip.
That's right... I'm an unrepentant liberal.
mike sold out at - 22:44
MF-S Classics: My Operatic Career
So first year in college, my roommate was David.
One day David was listening to some dramatic opera while chilling in our room. Why? I don't know. I think it was Pagliacci.
I'm returning to the room from the shower when I hear the opera playing and decide to pull a little prank. I wait for a particularly dramatic crescendo in the song. When the music crests, I enter the room and drop the towel with my hands raised triumphantly over my head.
He was, needless to say, surprised to see me.
mike sold out at - 10:31
12.22.2003
Tis the Season to be Rockin'
So is anyone up for some "Heavy Metal Caroling" around the East Village this week?
mike sold out at - 10:54
12.21.2003
A new drink was invented last night:
3 ice cubes
1 Shot Vodka
3 oz Sprite
3 oz Red Wine (from box)
dash of Lime juice
Directions:
1) mix
2) imbibe
3) savor your lack of class
mike sold out at - 18:52
12.18.2003
Since my present life has left me only with nerdy/political anecdotes and left me bereft of hilarity, I have decided to borrow a page from Bangin' Brooklyn and write some:
MF-S Classics
I seem to have coined a few joke pick-up lines over the years:
-Stand by the line to the women's bathroom. when a girl walks over, look her up and down, pause and then say "so... full bladder, huh?"
-Claim that you wrote (or contributed a significant musical portion to) the song currently playing on the juke box. Demonstrate this by singing only the portion of the song which you claim to have authored. End it all by making eye contact and then saying "true story".
MF-S Classics, Part Deux
When I was working in New Mexico, my friends Anna and Phil used to tease me about my small jewish-man ass. So one night after many rounds of drinks were had, they decided to tackle me and shove a whole Sunday New York Times in my pants in order to large-ify my ass. It was truly a great moment in my life.
mike sold out at - 22:04
12.16.2003
Coworker: So we used to go to Drinkland before it was that bar and dance to '80s music.
Me: When was Drinkland not Drinkland?
Coworker: back in the '90s...
Me: They had '80s music in the '90s?
----
Also last night I went to a debate between the Nation and the Economist where a bureau chief for the FCC said the word "cowshit" on live radio. It was sweet. (Extra joke for the wonkily-inclined: Tongue-in-cheek, he then said that it was ok since he used it as an adjective.)
mike sold out at - 23:13
12.15.2003
Brush With Fame
Went to see Mayor Mike speak at the Midtown Court today. Also got to hear Lord Falconer, a British justice official of some sort who sounded exactly like Tony Blair (they have the same cadence and everything). One answer to this mystery is that he hinted in the speech that they are the British equivalent of frat brothers.
Will post a picture of my coworker Jason with Bloomberg when I get it.
mike sold out at - 11:49
12.13.2003
A Polish woman tried to swat me today while gathering signatures for the Dean campaign. She was considerably nicer after I said "Dzié kujá" to her. You'll never guess how it's pronounced.
Now I just need to figure out how to pronounce "Sá wy zarejestrowany demokrata?"
mike sold out at - 20:18
12.12.2003
Dear Holi-do-me Party:
You Rock!
Last year we had so much fun with you. The condom wreath was on the door, Hanukkah bush was burning bright, and DJ Schnippity-Schnapp was playing his special mix of "Holiday" and "Do Me Baby". What could be better?
The answer, my dear party, is an even bigger party. No offense or anything, but we've decided to create a successor party in your image. We've decide to call it "Holi-do-me... WITH A VENGEANCE!" What do you think?
So I hope it won't be awkward or anything, but we'd like you to come. here's the info:
Saturday, Dec 20th 2003
Marla & Hayley's Apartment
10:00 PM
Like we said, Holi-do-me, we'd love for you to come. While this party will be even bigger and better, we think that nothing can ever replace the original. So we'll see you there.
Sincerely,
Marla, Hayley, and Michael
P.S.- Do you know Bel Biv Devoe?
mike sold out at - 09:44
12.09.2003
Zing.
mike sold out at - 18:19
12.08.2003
Me: Isn't it funny how cynical characters [in movies] always end up believing in miracles by the end of the movie?
Kevin: Shut up you d1rty Jew!
Me: That's it! I'm using your real name when I write this in my blog!
Big shout out to all those in the "Springsteen corner" at Meghan's party this weekend. That rocked. PS- I'm a big dork.
mike sold out at - 22:22
Wordupdate: To all friends mentioned in my blog- I have eliminated most of your last names from the blog to prevent you from being googled. Let me know if I missed one.
mike sold out at - 13:37
12.07.2003
Excerpt from the Nation
In the summer of 1951, Senator Joe McCarthy's burgeoning red scare had intimidated not just official Washington but the nation's media... John Patrick Hunter, a new reporter for The Capital Times, a newspaper in Madison, Wisconsin that had frequently tangled with McCarthy, was assigned to write a Fourth of July feature story. Stuck for an idea, Hunter grabbed a copy of the Declaration of Independence from the office wall, and said to himself, "This is real revolutionary. I wonder if I could get people to sign it now."
Hunter typed the preamble of the Declaration, six amendments from the Constitution's Bill of Rights and the 15th amendment into the form of a petition. Then, he headed to a park where families were celebrating the Fourth. Of the 112 people he approached, 20 accused Hunter of being a communist. Many more said they approved of sentiments expressed in the petition but feared signing a document that might be used by McCarthy, who frequently charged that signers of petitions for civil rights, civil liberties or economic justice were either active Communists or fellow travelers. Only one man recognized the historic words and signed his name to the petition.
Wow. Think this might be worth a repeat in these times.
mike sold out at - 23:26
12.05.2003
Hell in a Handbasket
(i.e. where Dino & I are going)
andinoatwork: you know how people holding hostages put the cover of a paper to verify the date?
andinoatwork: wouldn't it be funnier if they used the comics page or the onion or something? riotous laughter!
Schnapple: yes hostages are funny
Schnapple: jackass
Schnapple: :-)
Schnapple: well ok
Schnapple: compared to using the regular paper to verify the date
Schnapple: the comix or onion would be funnier
andinoatwork: indeed
andinoatwork: and did you just emoticon me?
Schnapple: no
Schnapple: 8-) (guy with sunglasses)
andinoatwork: holy shitballs
Schnapple: that btw is the hipster emoticon
Schnapple: i'm using them ironically
Schnapple: so it's ok
andinoatwork: oh, ok
andinoatwork: i'm placated
mike sold out at - 15:47
12.04.2003
I Have the Humor of a 12-year Old (Part III)
A 425-million-year-old fossil found in Herefordshire, England, may be the oldest record of an animal that is unarguably male. Scientists report today in the journal Science that the tiny crustacean, only two-tenths of an inch long, had an unmistakable penis.
hee-hee.
From The NY Times
mike sold out at - 19:56
12.02.2003
When Rock Rocked
After reading a Harpers Monthly article about the vertical and horizontal consolidation of the music industry and after a conversation with someone about why I don't like a lot of modern music, this got me thinking. How can I compare the songs of yesteryear to those of today.
So I found a site that has the historical Billboard charts on it.
You can't tell me that less than half of the albums on this list don't rock. It's just impossible... or I'm going to have to defriend you.
mike sold out at - 20:53
12.01.2003
A Note to All Teachers
So my Mom is a former public school teacher, as are many of our family friends. Some how over the Thanksgiving weekend at home, the subject of teachers wasting time in class came up. My Mom and our friend Sara kept going on about how shocking it was that teachers today check their email during classroom downtime. They said it used to be a big deal if the teachers were grading papers during class and that they would be disciplined! So all you teachers, stop reading this blog right now (specifically Metcalf and Andy) and get back to molding some impressionable young minds.
For those who don't "make a difference," check out Dino's blog entry today for a good time.
